“Success in life lies in getting on with some people and getting along with others”

This applies not just in my specialist area of Relationship Marketing, but in all aspects of personal and business life. One of the earliest lessons I go through with my legal, banking and financial clients is to get them to see that if they want more business (which all of them do) then they need to think it through a few steps earlier. Here is the formula you need for all the business you could possibly want!

You can’t get to more business without first uncovering the opportunities. You can’t do that without some kind of relationship, and you can’t do that without having conversations. Remember that all relationships are a factor of time spent with people, and the best way to do that is to talk with and listen to them. Trouble is, most people (especially when they’re out networking) find it too easy to talk and too difficult to listen. The problem is that they usually don’t know that great conversations come from great questions. And they don’t know what questions to ask, how to ask them and how to take them along the right path.

If you want to open people up and get what you want, you need a plan of action. There are seven steps to a great conversation that will bring you the opportunities you need.

1. Planning. What is the purpose of your conversation? You must have a conversational objective. Wherever you want a conversation to go, the right question or phrase will take you there. If you don’t have a goal, you will have a meandering chat that may or may not uncover something for you. Bottom line – you’re not in control.

Conversational objectives can be of two sorts – information (you want them to tell you something, reveal a need, lay bare an opportunity, help you with research) or action (you want them to do something like buy, agree with you, do a job for you or bear you in mind when the right need arises).

You also need to plan when and where you’re going to have these conversations, and with whom. There are hundreds of scenarios in which people talk. Which people are right for you, and where do you want to engage with them? No good having great conversations with the wrong people at the wrong time, unless you’re just practising!

2. Scripting. What are you going to say when you open your mouth? If you use more words than you need to in fulfilling your objective then you’re diluting your message. Remember that the worst time to think of the best thing to say is as you’re saying it! If you want to be engaging, interesting, persuasive, impactful and intriguing, you need to plan what you’re going to say.

All of the world’s top sales people use scripts. They say the same things over and over again, whether they realise it or not. These days, everyone is in sales. You have to sell arguments, ideas, excuses, products and services. You have to sell yourself. You must have phrases and questions that you know do their job! They open people up, they bring you the desired response, and they work! Don’t be scared of scripts. Embrace them and use them to your advantage.

3. Opening. How are you going to get their attention and open them up to your message? The first few seconds of any encounter are crucial. You want them to be open and receptive to both what you want to say and what you want to ask. If you induce resistance in the opening exchanges, you’re dead in the water.

4. Executing. How good are you at asking for what you want? Asking is an incredible skill to have in life. Children are amazing at it! You’ve also got to put yourself in the right position to ask. That means getting around people you want to talk to.

There are only five ways you can connect with someone – 1. face to face (like networking), 2. phone, 3. email or Internet, 4. mail (like writing letters) or 5. reputation (when people hear of you or see you in the media). There are no other ways (faxing is now rare!). So you’ve got to get out there and network, meet people, pick up the phone, get your name in print, have a good web/email presence and develop your reputation. Then conversations are much easier to have!

5. Adapting. What will you do when the conversation goes off-track? Conversations are not set in stone. God made every human different, and as well as you think you know people, you can never predict exactly how people will react to your questions, your comments and your suggestions.

The more adaptable you are, the more in control you are. Planning a few ‘what if’ scenarios is really helpful. As a chess player, I know that half the game is deciding what move I’m going to make, and half the game is deciding what move my opponent might make. And every time I get it wrong, there’s an adjustment. Cover the bases and be adaptable. Conversations are not single track affairs, but a myriad of roundabouts, interlinking paths and main roads.

6. Persuading. What will you do to bring them to your side of the river? If they don’t see exactly what you see, you need to be able to convince, influence and cajole. You need to keep the lines of engagement open and find the common ground. You need to keep asking the right questions and making the right decisions at various points in the conversation. And you need to be extra persuasive if they don’t go where you want them to go!

Persuasion is getting someone to think, feel or do what you want them to think, feel or do. It means getting to your objective for the conversation. And it’s coachable! Like a muscle, you can train yourself in this area. If you want to know the best website in the world for learning how to be more persuasive, ask me. You don’t get if you don’t ask, and you need to get into the habit of asking!

7. Closing. How can you get people to ‘yes’? Go back to your planning and your conversational objectives. Whatever it was, and however you come to the end of the conversation, ensure it finishes on a positive note. A call to action (sending something out, an agreed time and means of follow-up, permission to keep in touch or even an agreement to disagree) is vital!

Rob's Quick Tips

If you’re like many sales and marketing professionals, you are a quick thinking individual who often relies on your wits and makes things up as you go along. You’re instinctive. But this can be bad for your financial health! Take the time to plan and execute great conversations, and you’ll find the sales come tumbling after!